Genealogy Gems

Genealogy is a hay stack full of needles... it's the threads I need!

Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the data recorded.

Searching for lost relatives? Win the Lottery!

Crazy... is a relative term in MY family.

Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related.

A Genealogists Psalm

Genealogy is my pastime, I shall not stray
It maketh me to lie down and examine half-buried tombstones.
It leadth me into still courthouses; It restoreth my ancestral knowledge.
It leadeth me in paths of census records & ship's passenger lists for my surname's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the shadows of research libraries & microfilm readers, I shall fear no discouragement.
For a strong urge is within me, the curiosity & motivation they comforteth me.
It demandeth preparation of storage space for the acquistion of countless documents.
It annointeth my head with burning mid-night oil; my family group sheets runneth over.
Surely birth, marriage, & death dates shall follow me all the days of my life;
And I shall dwell in the house of a family history seeker forever.

Whoever said, "Seek and Ye shall find'" was NOT a genealogist!!!

Can a first cousin, once removed, return?

My family tree must have been used for firewood!

GENEALOGY POX WARNING!!      Very contagious to adults.

SYMPTOMS:   Continual complaint as to need for names, dates and places. Patient has blank expression, sometimes deaf to spouse and children. Has no taste for work of any kind, except feverishly looking through records at libraries and courthouses. Has compulsion to write letters, swears at mailman when he does not leave mail. Frequents strange places such as cemeteries, ruins and remote desolate country areas. Makes secret night calls, hides phone bills from spouse, mumbles to self, has strange far-away look in eyes.
TREATMENT:   Medication is useless. Disease is not fatal but gets progressively worse. Patient should attend genealogy workshops and subscribe to genealogy magazines and be given a quiet corner in the house where he/she can be alone.
REMARKS:   The usual nature of this disease is..the sicker the patient gets, the more he/she enjoys it!!

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
~ George Bernard Shaw ~

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponents will do it for you!
~ Mark Twain ~

Dear ----,

I have spent several years looking for family information and have, as of this week, decided that I am a descendant of the family branch called UNKNOWNS.

I find kazillions with the names of my branches but my branches don't seem to attach to any trees in the known world. Therefore, I have concluded that there are three ways in which the UNKNOWNS originated:

1. We were sent to the colonies by the British government in the 1700's to spy. We so excelled in the art of blending in with the flora and fauna that no one knew we were here...even the British lost contact with us.
2. We were dropped off here by one of the space ships that some think visited our planet. Again, we were outstanding in the ability to blend in and so were never noticed. Somewhere down the line someone forgot to tell us that we are from another planet. I think the space ships some people report seeing and being captured by, are our true family and they are looking for us to take us home.
3. Immaculate conception...which explains itself.
4. I really don't exist. I am but a figment of someone's imagination but I don't know who that someone is.

Genealogy is not fatal, but it is a grave disease.

Genealogists never die... they just lose their census!

Genealogists do it with a will!

Genealogist do it in cemeteries!

Every family tree has its sap.

I researched my family tree... and apparently I don't exist!

Whenever there's a will, you'll see an heir loom.

My ancestors are hiding in a witness protection program!

People who depend on their family tree for status should shake it first.

What this country needs is more family trees that will produce more lumber and fewer nuts!

I trace my family history so I will know who to blame.

Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards.

Genealogists live in the past lane.

You Know You're An "Addicted" Genealogist...

... when you hyperventilate at the sight of an old cemetery.
... if you'd rather browse in a cemetery than a shopping mall.
... if you'd rather read census schedules than a good book.
... when you're more interested in what happened in 1601 than 2001.
... if you can pinpoint Yorkshire, Lincolnshire, and Devonshire on a map of England, but can't locate Dallas, TX.
... when all your correspondence begins with "Dear Cousin,"
... if you've traced every one of your ancestral lines back to Adam and Eve, have it all fully documented, and still don't want to quit.